I've never loved anyone more
by high-off-music
Summary: I never meant to cheat on Namine with Axel, it just sort of, happened. Even when everything slipped out that night, and raw emotions were dragged to the surface, I did nothing to stop it, because in truth, I loved that crazy red head. Two parts, Lemon


**This story came to me out of the blue, and it's kind of different from everything else I've written, namely because it's my first lemon =O I know, scandalous, right? =] Anyways, there's going to be two parts because otherwise it would be way too long. As always, enjoy and please review!**

I pulled my jacket closer around me as I urged my feet to walk quicker down the icy streets. The dead of winter had finally crashed down around me in swirls of white and gray, the snow whirling around me in a furious dance and the wind bit the exposed skin on my hands and face. Silently I cursed myself for not grabbing my gloves or a scarf, but it was too late now. I was probably going to be late anyways, and though class was the last place I wanted to be, I still pressed on through the falling snow towards my class.

I snuck in with a few seconds before class officially started. My entrance would have been silent and unnoticed, if it hadn't been for the two loud mouth juniors who plowed in right behind me, nearly running into me and showing no concern. I hurried over to my seat in the middle of the auditorium beside a petite girl with straight blond hair. Halfway there I remembered everything from the night before, and just as she looked over at me and her gaze went cold, I turned and took an empty seat on the other side of the auditorium.

As the class ticked by slowly, I felt my eyes drift around the room, looking for something to keep my mind occupied so I didn't fall asleep. Just as I was started to zone out staring at the school's crest decorating the stage floor, I felt something lightly fly past me and land on my desk. For a moment, all I could do was stare at the crumbled piece of paper in contemplation, before quietly and subtly turning around to scan the rows of other students to see who had thrown it at me.

Piercing green met my gaze accompanied by a cocky smirk and a blaze of red spiky hair. He nodded towards me, and gestured to open up the piece of paper.

I felt my cheeks start to flush so I hurriedly turned around, picking up the piece of paper with slightly shaking hands, hesitating to open it. I scanned my eyes over the messy handwriting, which was slightly distorted by the fact that the paper had been crumpled. As I made out the words, I felt heart sink, and I quickly crumpled the paper into a tiny ball and shoved it in my bag out of sight. My face felt like it was going pale, and my breathing was off.

Suddenly I stood up, grabbing my backpack and slinging it over my shoulder as I headed for the door. I felt eyes, especially one pair, turn and stare at me as I neared closer and closer to the safety of outside.

"Roxas? Where are you going?" I heard my professor call out, and I turned back towards him, feeling eyes boring down onto me from all sides.

"I-I'm not feeling well." It was partially the truth.

"Oh, alright then. See me later." I nodded meekly and half-ran half-walked the last few strides till the door.

"Axel, sit down." I heard my professor call out, but this time I didn't stop or look back, I just pushed my way out of the door and down the hallway. When the rush of cold air outside hit me, I felt my head clear a little, but I still felt horrible.

The walk back to my dorm felt longer than usual, and my whole body seemed to shake, and not from the cold.

_My breathing hitched, and for a moment all I could register was his hand gently running up and down the exposed skin on my arm. _

I shook the memory from my head and walked even faster, especially since I had a weird feeling someone was behind me, but I didn't dare look back. Once in the safety of my dorm I shut the door with a loud thud and locked the door securely. However, once in the silence of my room, there was nothing to distract me, so I picked up my ipod and put my headphones in my ear, turning the music on. A song was already halfway down when I clicked the play button.

"_I had a pocket full of dreams  
But I gave them all to you  
Now I think I want them back  
So can you tell me if I'm crazy or confused?  
Don't ever change  
The way you are  
I've never loved anyone more."_

I let out a frustrated groan and clicked to another song. The first one reminded me too much of, him.

At just the thought of him those bright green eyes, and that grin, and that crazy red hair flooded the inside of my eyelids as I closed my eyes tightly, trying to figure everything out.

Axel…

I had never meant to cheat on Naminé with him, but it just…happened. About three months ago, it had just started with us hanging out more than usual. We'd always been friends and then suddenly, we were more than just friends. And as it got more and more serious, I did nothing to stop it. Even when everything slipped out last night, and raw emotions were dragged to the surface, I did nothing to try and submerge them back down. Instead, I let my heart take over and I gave in to his whispers of love and caring glances, even if it meant with every look and every whispered word I was stabbing Naminé in the back.

I felt the tears start to leak out, and somewhere between imagining Axel's face and feeling the tears slip out warm and salty down my cheeks, I fell into a restless sleep. And instead of dreaming, the memories from last night replayed themselves.

_"Axel, we need to stop this." I pulled away from his lips, and saw the confusion in his eyes. _

_ "What? Why?" The heat from his hands still on my waist and neck were slowly starting to drive me crazy, but I couldn't seem to bring myself to push them away. _

_ "You know why Ax." I whispered out, casting my glance away from his pressing gaze. "I can't keep doing this, I feel horrible. All this sneaking around and keeping secrets from everyone, and Naminé…" I heard him let out a disgruntled sigh and took his hands off of me, making me suddenly shiver from the lack of warmth. _

_ "Just break up with the chick already." He replied, shifting so we were sitting facing each other on his bed, without touching, which I knew meant he was mad. _

_ "We've been over this Ax, I can't just walk up to her and tell her 'hey Naminé, sorry but I'm breaking up with you because, surprise, I'm gay." _

_ "Gay for a sexy redhead." He smirked and slinked a hand up my thigh, but I swatted it away. I held back a smile, because I was trying to be serious. _

_ "Axel, please." I murmured. _

_ "Listen." He sighed gently and looked me in the eye. "I know this is hard for you, but it's only going to be harder the longer you drag this on with Naminé." _

_ "But you know she'll freak out. She's told me so many times she completely homophobic, and even if I break up with her for some made up reason, if she found out about us…" I trailed off, letting the silence fill in the rest. Axel groaned and flopped backwards onto the bed. I crawled over beside him and laid down, resting my head on his chest and let out a sigh of my own. _

_ "This just, sucks." He whispered to me as he draped one arm around my shoulders. _

_ "Yeah, I know." _

_ "You know why it really sucks the most?"_

_ "Why?" I tilted my head up to look him in the eyes, but his look was far away staring up at the ceiling. _

_ "I love you, Roxas." He glanced down at me, and I was speechless. _

_ I had never expected this to get so serious, and my mind left me for a few moments as his words really sank in. But what I really didn't expect was how in the next moment after I had regained the ability to speak and think I shifted myself up so I was at eye level with Axel, looking down at him. I couldn't read his expression as he stared up at me, and it always puzzled me how there were sometimes when it was nearly impossible to figure out what he was thinking. _

_ "I love you too, Axel." I whispered, as I leaned in and lightly pressed our lips together. I started to pull back after a few seconds, but just as I took in a breath of air I felt a hand on the back of my head crashing my lips back down. Axel placed a hand on my hip and fluidly flipped our positions so now his body pressed against mine as he leaned in to deepen the kiss. It felt weird, as Axel's tongue pressed against my bottom lip and moments later found its way inside my mouth, exploring ever inch as though he couldn't get enough of me. We had done this many times, making out and then some, but there was something different with the way Axel was acting, this overwhelming emotion practically radiating out of him as he planted kisses down my neck and onto my shoulder. But, was this love, or lust? I couldn't think about it any deeper as Axel pushed away some of the fabric covering my shoulder and lightly bit down on the skin over my collarbone, making me let out a small gasp._

_ I felt his one hand gently trail down my arm leaving goose bumps in its wake as he returned to kissing along my collarbone. My hands snaked into his long red hair and I felt my breath hitch as his free hand teased the hemline of my shirt and agonizingly slowly pushed my shirt up and over my head. He casually tossed my shirt on the floor, but it wasn't lonely for long because half a second later Axel's shirt landed haphazardly on top._

_ His eyes grazed over my half exposed body, and if it had been anyone else's intense gaze, I probably would have felt embarrassed or nervous. But with Axel, my entire body was itching with anticipation as he smirked that cocky grin of his and leaned in and kissed me on the lips, then the chin, and then slowly making his way down my neck again. It was indescribable, just how good it felt to be pressed up against Axel's chest without fabric in the way, and as he kissed the hollow of my throat and then gently blew across it, I lost it. _

_ "A-Axel." I moaned out, arching my back off of the sheets. Damn him and his sexiness and how he knew exactally which buttons to press to literally have my writhing beneath him. I heard him give a low chuckle and I felt him smirking into another kiss planted this time at the junction between my ear and my neck. I arched my back again and suppressed a moan, however, this time as I arched myself up my hips, with a mind of their own, pressed up against Axel's, and I heard him give a strangled groan. I opened my eyes to see his face a mix of self-restraint and immense pleasure. _

_ He looked up at me and this time I mirrored his sly and cocky grin. "Looks like I've got the upper hand." I quietly spoke, but Axel would be having none of that. _

_ "Listen buddy." He purred into my ear and I felt him unbutton my jeans and slowly drag down the zipper making me squirm underneath him as his fingers brushed my ever-growing erection. "This is my bed, and I'm the only one who gets to have the upper hand." I raised my hips off the bed and he slid my jeans off, making sure to stroke me through my boxers as he did so. _

_ "Mngh, Axel…stop, unh, teasing me." I moaned out, and I was given a moment of rest as Axel stood and discarded his jeans, but the whole time our bodies weren't touching I felt an aching inside of me. Was that ache from love, or lust? I thought to myself, but discarded the thought as Axel pressed another kiss on my lips and ground his hips against mine, and with only the thin cotton between us we both moaned. Thank god Axel's roommate, Demyx, was spending the night at Zexion's place. _

_ Axel's fingers ghosted across the hem of my boxers and I couldn't hold back a small whimper. As he shot me another cocky smirk and mumbled something along the lines of 'I'm just so damn sexy,' and I scoffed at his remark, I suddenly felt myself stopping him. _

_ "What's wrong Rox?" His piercing green met my blue and I lost my train of thought for a moment, but I caught myself. _

_ "I-I think…no, I know, that I'm ready." I found confidence I didn't know I had as he held my gaze, his expression once again unreadable._

_ He looked at me for a moment, processing my words, and then his eyes grew a little wider in realization. "Are you sure, Roxas? There's no need to rush things if you're not ready, and I want you to be completely sure." I felt my heart beat faster as I felt how much he really cared about. I had been one of the first relationships Axel had had that didn't involve sex every night. Truth be told, I had never went all the way before, but it felt right to have it happen with Axel. So I nodded, and closed my eyes, waiting for him to continue. _

_ I felt his let out a breath of relief and hooked two fingers on the waistband of my boxers and as I arched my hips off the bed he pulled off my boxer, making sure he grazed my now fully exposed erection as he did. _

_ "T-Tease." I half-moaned half-whispered and he laughed again. When I felt his hand wrap around and slowly stroke my entire length my eyes shot open and I let out another moan. _

_ "But I think you like it, Rox." I huskily whispered, and I squirmed beneath him as he caught me off guard by reaching behind him and rummaging around in his drawers for something. I was about to look up when he leaned forward and pressed our hips together, and the sensation made me arch my back and moan out his name. _

_ He leaned back and I watched him take his hand off of my length and rub lotion onto three of his fingers, and then his length. I held my breath as he looked up at me, one finger positioned at my entrance, and I gave the best confident nod I could muster, even as my nerves started to over take me. _

_ I bit my lip as his first finger slide it, and though it didn't hurt it just felt, weird. I shifted, but nodded to continue on. By the time his third finger was in and Axel was finally done stretching me I squirming underneath him, and though it felt uncomfortable I had an ever-building need to have Axel inside of me. _

_ "Please Axel." I moaned, lying my head back down on the pillow as he positioned himself hesitantly at my entrance. "I need you._

_He smiled gently, with a look in his eyes that said nothing but love, and as he leaned in and kissed me he slowly started to push in. It was painful at first, and my hands wound their way into his hair and I felt a single tear escape from my eyes, but I didn't want him to stop. _

"_M-Move." I pleaded, finally started to get used to the feeling. He complied, slowly pulling out and then pushing back in, gaining speed with each thrust. After a few thrusts the pain melted away into insane pleasure, and my eyes shot open wide, staring into Axel's concerned and pleasured filled green ones. _

"_Unh, Roxas, you're so tight." He groaned out as his thrusts started to go faster and deeper, but I always felt like I needed little more. _

"_Mngh, Axel, A-Axel go faster, d-deeper." I moaned out, trying to keep my voice down but it was increasingly challenging. _

_He groaned in pleasure at my request and sped up his thrusts, which I was now starting to meet by pressing my hips against his every time he thrust in. _

_ "Augh, Axel, I-I'm c-close." _

_ "M-Me too." He thrust in at a different angel, and I felt him hit something inside me that nearly made me see stars from the pleasure. I cried out, not worrying about how loud I was because at that moment I didn't care. _

_ "There we go." Axel growled with a smirk and thrust in even faster at the new angel, driving me increasingly insane. _

_ "Axel, I-I'm cumming!" I shouted, and I let out a loud moan as I climaxed, which was partially silenced by Axel's lips crashing against mine. A few more thrusts and Axel reached his climax too, with a low pleasure filled groan, and collapsed onto the bed beside me. _

_ We laid there for a while, listening to each other's breaths slowly fade back to normal. I faintly registered shouting and laughter from the hallway outside Axel's door room, but I didn't pay much attention to anything beside Axel. I leaned over, once I was fairly back to normal, and pressed a light kiss against a slightly exhausted Axel's forehead. He smiled and pulled me into an embrace, and before long I had drifted off to sleep. _

_When I awoke from my perfectly wonderful nap I found Axel staring down at me with a grin on his face. _

"_Morning." He whispered, and I was about to say the same thing back when a wave of panic hit me._

"_It's morning?" I cried, sitting up as quickly as I could and scanned around for the clock. 6:25 P.M. I let out a relieved sigh and flopped back down onto the mattress as Axel laughed at me. I stuck my tongue out at him, like a mature person, and rolled over and fumbled with pulling my boxers back on, and as I started for my jeans, I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned back to Axel. _

_ "You can stay the night you know, if you want to." He smiled at me with a look that read 'you're not going anywhere if I can help it.' I smiled, but continued slipping my jeans on, finding it a bit difficult with how sore my lower back and ass felt._

_ "Sorry Axel, I've got to finish writing that paper for Econ tonight, I've been putting it off for too long and now it's due tomorrow." I grimaced at the thought as I slipped my shirt back on. Axel sighed and followed my lead slipping his cloths back on too. _

_ "So, you're just going to sleep with me and run off? I didn't think you were that much of a cold hearted bitch." He teased, and I rolled my eyes, picking my backpack up off his floor and heading towards the door. _

_ "Oh don't get so insecure, it's not like I'm leaving you for good, just till class tomorrow. Like I said, big paper due, and you are a slight distraction from my education." We were standing outside in the halls, which had become deserted from the fact that it was dinnertime. Just as I was about to leave I felt myself being turned around and pressed up against the wall next to Axel's door. _

_ "Well, of course I'm a distraction." He replied, placing one hand on the wall next to my head and staring me down with his slyest and sexiest look, which I had to admit gave me butterflies. "I'm just so damn sexy, you just can't keep your eyes off me." I laughed and rolled my eyes again. _

_ "Goodnight, Axel." I told him, my face softening and a small smile playing on my lips. "This was, everything I could have hoped it would be and more. So, thanks, I guess." He laughed, that kind gentle laugh I loved hearing to no end. _

_ "You're more than welcome." He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine, and I reached my hand up and cupped his cheek, pulling him just a little closer to me._

_ "R-Roxas?" Axel pulled away with lightening speed and we both whipped around to see a confused Naminé standing a few feet down the hallway. "Wh-What's going on?" She asked innocently, taking a few steps closer. _

_ I stood, mouth agape, unable to find the words to get myself out of this. I glanced at Axel for help, but his mouth was firmly closed. I knew he wouldn't saw anything, because why would he try and save a relationship that kept us from being apart? I didn't even know why I let it go on half the time. "Demyx asked me to bring his books back to his room for him." She spoke quietly, and I felt my heart surge with guilt. "He…he said Axel would be here but, he didn't say anything about you, Roxas…" I saw the hurt flash across her face, and she tossed the books at my feet. "How could you do this to me Roxas?" She cried out, tears starting to pool in her eyes. I took a step towards her, but she flinched away._

_ "Naminé, I'm sorry, I didn't know how to tell you…" My excuse was horribly lame, making me feel even worse. _

_ "How to tell me what? That you were cheating on me, or that you were gay?" She shouted the first part louder, and I flinched away unconsciously. "Why would you lead me on like this, if you didn't even like me like that?" Her anger subsided a little, as she looked me in the eyes, a tear slipping down her cheek. _

_ "I'm sorry Naminé…I didn't know how to tell you either of those things. I was just, when I realized I was gay, I didn't know how to tell you." I was barely talking above a whisper. "So, I didn't tell you. I don't know what I was thinking."_

_ "I don't think you were thinking at all." She replied, whipping the tear away with the back of her hand. "Roxas, you know how I feel about people being gay, but Roxas, you're, you were, one of my closest friends. I could have and would have found a way to get over it." I felt my own tears forming in my eyes. "But you didn't even give me a chance. You just found someone else, and kept me hanging on as if there was hope for our relationship." She took a step backwards. "I wish you had just been honest with me Roxas. We're done." With that she turned and I heard the sob she gave as she ran down the hallway and turned the corner, out of my sight. _

_ In shock, I stood there for a second with my mouth slightly agape, until my legs seemed to give out and I fell down onto my knees. I couldn't cry, there were no tears, but I felt the rip in my chest as my heart ached for the friendship I had just crushed and destroyed because I was too afraid to be honest. I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder, but I shook it off and stood up, not able to turn around and face the person I had left. _

_ "Roxas-"_

_ "I think, I think I just need a little time, so I can find myself again." I told him, as I started down the hallway away from the one person who I knew if I turned back would comfort me and make me forget about everything that had just blown up in my face. _

_ "Alright Roxas, just, call me if you need to talk." He called after me, and I lifted a hand up in acknowledgement. Right now, as I headed for my dorm, I realized I needed to do some soul searching and some deep thinking, because I needed to figure out how to prevent this from ever happening again, and how I could ever hope to win Naminé's friendship back. _

_ But most of all, I needed to think about everything that had just happened with Axel, so I could make sure I wouldn't mess up the one relationship that my heart clung to with every fiber of my being. I really did love Axel, and I sure as heck wasn't going to screw everything up. _

**Oh, the drama. How I love it so. Any who, pretty please review and let me know what you lovely readers think, and the more reviews I get the more motivation I'll have to write the rest of part two! **

**Plus, the lyrics in here are from the song The Conversation by Motion City Soundtrack, which is where a lot of my inspiration to write this came from. It's a beautiful song, and I highly recommend it, and just about everything by Motion City! =]**


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